The Non-Marginalized Father
“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth
My Dad, Rev Donald B. Register, is one of those men who parallel a vocal, reasonable and silent leader. I am very fortunate to have grown up with a man who was part of the cloth but at all times a father to his children. He parented three boys to the best of his abilities. Though work was often pressing he made sure to catch the Lake Street El from downtown Chicago to make our baseball, football, or track practices in Oak Park, IL. I know it was tough for him to always make it, but It was always a great surprise and a confidence boost to see him peering over the fence or sitting in the stands as I went through practice drills with whatever team I happened to be on at the time.
When I was playing cello with the high school orchestra or singing in the choir my Dad was always a fixture in the audience supporting my aspirations.
I now follow his example with my own family. When my son John Jr. had practice for basketball or soccer, I ensured that to the best of my ability I was there for both the practices and the games. I have elevated that with my daughter Ashley to be an assistant coach on her team. Not a parent to interfere but always to offer encouragement to a young person maturing into her own adolescence. I even enjoyed watching my son Ron play sports the short amount of time he spent in our household.
The older I get the more I understand many of the pressures my Dad must have felt trying to balance work and family. And, I can attest, it is not an easy thing to do.
There is a grave responsibility on fathers who raise their children, but it appears that I find fewer fathers out there who are like my dad and more who disengage with their families. When I sit in the stands I don’t see Mom’s or Dads at Basketball practices, or volleyball scrimmages. I often find myself taking several players home from practice and dropping them off.
I look at caricatures of Homer Simpson or Al Bundy and I see more and more fathers playing the buffoon and the object of ridicule and less of the supportive, nurturing, loving steadfast parent in the home that I was accustomed too.
I know it just wasn’t me because where I grew up I saw other Dads out there supporting their sons and daughters.
Albert Mohler wrote a piece entitled, [1]“Watch out for the Myths about Fatherhood” in 2009. In it he talks about some of the myths that need to be busted such as the, Mr. Mom surge, 50-50 between work and family life, divorce impacts on children, and dispensable dads. I won’t go into any of these in this blog, but if you want to read the article by Mr. Mohler please hit the footnote link at end this blog.
I will rather spend the rest of this article talking about an interview I had with one single Dad who really makes it work for his children.
So, often our society praises single moms getting it done but we do not hear about the super single Dads who knock it out of the park on a day to day basis.
[image-shortcode url=”https://johnregister.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/robert-caruso.jpg” size=”100″ align=”center”]
Let me introduce you to inspirer Robert M. Caruso who goes by the handle @Fondalo on Twitter. Robert is a social media guru and can also be followed on his website www.bundlepost.com.
I caught up with this busy man while I was outside of the Fort Carson Post Exchange. No, he was not there he was in his home state of Oregon getting ready to pick up his daughter and he had a few minutes to chat by phone about how he holds it down as a single Dad.
Mr. Caruso has a 3 year old son who he sees 30% of the time due to Oregon state school laws and a 13 year old daughter who he sees 50% of the time.
I asked him a series of questions and voraciously wrote down his responses. I am paraphrasing.
Me: One myth is that Fathers are more concerned with work than they are their families. With your busy schedule and always being “plugged in” on social media how do you make time for the kids?
Robert: “What you prioritize is where you spend your time. I find myself telling other people this in my business but I have to practice in myself. Most of the job I do keeps me plugged in about 80% of the time, but that time can really be in any physical location. So, I can play with my son on the floor and then get up for a quick answer to a question.”
Me: What are your greatest challenges as a Dad?
Robert: “My 3 year old son needs a lot of attention, more so than my 13 year old daughter who is really self-sufficient. Really, she is very helpful. But my son needs to know I am there for him at this stage.”
Me: 13 year old daughter and self-sufficient don’t seem to go together in the same sentence can you elaborate?
Robert: “I was sitting with her doing homework when she was 6 or 7 and we noticed some teens sitting nearby causing a bit of a commotion. She looked up at me and said, “Dad, why are teens so stupid.” I just said that hormones take over. I have never had a problem out of her. I think that what you invest in your children is what you get out. Kids need love and discipline.”
Me: Do you have any advice for other single Dads out there?
Robert: “My advice is really directed at all Dads whether they are single or not. Men are being marginalized. Society looks at men as idiots or the butt of jokes. You can look on sitcoms. We are played as out of touch or the comic relief.
The impact is that we are diminished in the eyesight of our children and we accept it by walking away and not raising our own kids. My advice to fathers is that we must be involved with our kids. We have to show them that we want to be involved, engaged, and an active part of their lives. Our kids are watching how we act with them and if we get it right, they will repeat it.”
I thank Robert for this interview and his wonderful insights for all of us Dads out here who are striving to be better leaders, followers and parents.
In closing I salute my Dad, Rev Donald B. Register, for always being there for me physically, emotionally and spiritually.
If you are a Dad continue to love your children and ensure they know that you want to be a part of their life.
Happy Father’s Day All!
[1] http://www.religiontoday.com/columnists/al-mohler/watch-out-for-myths-about-fatherhood-11604985.html